


i'm here

by natanije



Series: Self-Indulgent Kakasaku AUs [10]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, I do not put Archive Warnings, Post 4th War AU, Slight fluff, being Kakashi is Suffering, but be forewarned, if you can consider that fluff, that this contains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 18:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11318712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natanije/pseuds/natanije
Summary: “It’s okay,” she whispers softly, her cold fingers brushing against the back of his hand. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”





	i'm here

She comes in the middle of the night.

A guest that is not invited.

A guest that he does not expect to see.

"What the hell?" Her voice breaks the atmosphere in the room.

Of course her first words when she visits will be something like that, he thinks.

If Kakashi doesn't feel as tired as he is, perhaps the disbelief and amusement will cause him to either cry out or scoff. Nevertheless, the only thing he can manage to let happen is a small, bitter smile.

Sakura is here, he thinks.

It's unbelievable, but she's here.

"Your apartment is messy," she complains, "Kakashi, it wasn't like this the last time I visited," she says flippantly, ignoring how the time she last visited was months ago. Anything could happen around that time, and something _did_ happen. She ignores that and easily scolds him for his mistakes done in a bout of rage and grief, clicking her tongue. "Wasn't that drawer _expensive_? Kakashi, it's all in pieces now!"

She toes around the room, avoiding the sharp shards of broken glass on the floor, which will probably make him laugh if he's in a better mood.

Sakura frowns, her eyes sweeping around the room, taking in all of the cluttered stuffs, the broken dresser, wardrobe, the clothes strewn about around the room, before finally settling on his form, a lone man lying on the bed, his mask and hitai ate absent.

Her eyes soften, then, a sad glint seeping in her green hues that he loves to gaze at so much, and she steps toward him, silently kneeling beside the bed to reach out and touch his cheek.

The touch is not how he expects it.

It's cold.

Her finger is cold.

* * *

_It's cold._

_The sun is glaring down right at him, but he feels nothing but coldness in his very being. He doesn't register the sweat trailing down his forehead, the welling up tears that want and yet refuse to pour out from his now complete set of eyes. No more sharingan, just his actual eyes that Naruto magically returned during the war._

_He wonders, still; if Madara never took Obito's eye away, if he still had the sharingan, would he be able to stop it? Stop what had happened… Stop what had crushed him so?_

_Sasuke had been quick—but he was known for his speed as well, he's sure that he could manage—and his sharingan as well as rinnegan are crazily strong as well._

_He thinks if he had known, if he had been quicker, he would've moved her aside, or even traded places with her. He would gladly do so._

_"It wasn't her time", his mind cries out, "it shouldn't have."_

_And perhaps it wasn't meant to be her time just yet, because when it was revealed to Sasuke—the traitor, the_ wench _—he looked so shocked, so regretful that Kakashi almost, almost laughed bitterly right at the Uchiha's face._

_He felt rage, the hot fury building up inside of him, only to get colder and colder as soon as Sasuke got whisked away to T &I, as soon as the reality of it completely seeped in._

_Now, he only feels cold._

_It feels strange, too, to stand beside Naruto, Sai and Yamato, where they unconsciously leave a spot empty for a person to fit right in, for_ Sakura _to stand there and complete their team._

 _(He's unwilling to place Sasuke in his team; he has given up right at the moment Sasuke declared his intent to kill all the Five Kages, right when Sasuke put Sakura in that goddamned_ fucking _genjutsu)._

_He clenches his fists, grasping onto his mofuku, trying to put his frustrations away._

_In front of him, the gravestone seems to look back at him, mocking him for his new mistake._

_Another person he couldn't protect._

_Another person who died._

* * *

"Hey," Sakura whispers, a mere ghost in the wind, whom nobody can see nor hear, whom nobody can touch. Nobody but him.

Her touch is cold, and Kakashi is reminded on how it used to be warm.

Of course it's cold. She's dead. Dead people do not emit warmth.

Arguably, dead people do not talk and touch a living person either. But this world has always been a little bit strange, just like how it's strange that Sakura is his soulmate out of all people, just like how the universe seems to love to torture him for some reason, just like how despite his grief he's glad he can still see Sakura somehow.

Even though she's dead.

_Even though she's dead._

Tears finally well up from his eyes, and a choked sob leaves his lips. Sakura looks alarmed for a few seconds, her hand twitching away from his cheek. But Kakashi is afraid—afraid that she'll leave, that she'll be gone somehow, that her being his soulmate is fake and that this is a _dream_ given by the world to torture him even more—and thus he reaches out to hold on Sakura's own, grasping it tightly with his trembling hand, unwilling to let go.

The pink haired woman looks at him, bewildered and undeniably sad, but she twists her hand just so that they're holding onto each other, giving his hand a squeeze like a reassurance.

"Hey," she says again. "Are you okay?"

Kakashi chuckles through another sob.

"No," he says, undeniably honest.

"I'll tell you to clean up your room," she says softly, "but that can come tomorrow."

Her other hand reaches out, fluffing his hair while she smiles at him.

She shouldn't be smiling at him. He failed to protect her, he let her _die_ because he wasn't fast enough. She shouldn't be looking at him like that; so sad and yet understanding, so kind and warm despite the coldness of her fingers around his.

She shouldn't be—

"You shouldn't be dead," he whispers hoarsely, "you're the next generation of the Sannin, you should've been _alive_."

Sakura stays silent, running her fingers through his hair.

"I should've—If Sasuke hadn't— If only I was fast enough…"

She stops her combing through his hair, and says, "You couldn't have stopped it even if you tried."

The words are blunt and sharp, and Kakashi almost recoils from her, from how she easily says it, easily tells him on how _powerless_ he was by the time it happened.

She looks at him, stern and determined, easily reminding him of the fierce girl in the battlefield, easily punting enemies through mountains and destroying the ground with a mere tap of her fist.

Easily reminding him on how much he treasures her.

Her and her passion, her strengths and weaknesses, her hardwork—

Her everything.

"What happened there was on Sasuke-kun," she says, " _All of them_. Don't you dare blame yourself for this, because I can touch you, Kakashi, and if you continue on blaming yourself for the one thing you are _not_ responsible for, I'll make sure to strangle you in your sleep."

Kakashi cannot help but to laugh, laugh between his tears, because _of course_ Sakura manages to threaten him against his self-destructive tendencies even in death, it's such a Sakura-thing to do that he just laughs.

"And besides," she continues, "I'm still here, aren't I?"

As if to prove her point, she squeezes his hand reassuringly once again, her other hand returning its lazy combing of his silver hair.

"It's late," she says, "You should go to sleep."

Kakashi whimpers, because he doesn't want to sleep, not yet. He still wants to look at her, to remind himself that this is real, that _she's still here,_ with him even in her death, to hold her hand and never let it go, to enjoy the cold fingers combing through his hair.

To remain here, with her.

Sakura seems to know what he's thinking, for she smiles thinly, the sadness still lingering somewhere in her eyes.

"It's okay," she whispers softly, her cold fingers brushing against the back of his hand. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"…Promise?" Kakashi breathes out.

"I promise," she answers firmly. "Don't worry. I'll always be here."

A lone tear makes its way down his cheek,

And he smiles, small yet peaceful somehow.

"Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Or, that soulmate!AU where the ghost of your soulmate lingers with you until you die.
> 
> In this AU, Kakashi dies of old age. Naruto and his children, Yamato's and Sai's as well, are around him.
> 
> A spot was left empty near his bed, where Sakura's ghost stays and holds his hand the moment he releases his final breath.
> 
> Soooo, Happy End, I guess?? Hehe.


End file.
